by Lyndsi Frandsen, KSL.com Contributor
As parents, we are not created equal. We enter parenthood from a broad spectrum of backgrounds, with varying beliefs. We show affection differently and, often, our disciplinary views are not the same.
But despite our long list of contrasting parenting practices, it’s safe to say there are certain qualities that no parent wants their child to possess. We do our best to teach them kindness, despite the mean behaviors they are sure to see. We hope they will learn compassion, although they live in a selfish world. And no parent wants “entitled” to land on their child’s characteristic resume.
But what if you are unknowingly teaching your child to be entitled? ”
The author shows some signs as to show that this might be the case.
1. You celebrate their accomplishments through other’s failures
If your child scores four soccer goals and Billy only scores two, do you point that out? Do you amplify their successes by analyzing their peers’ shortcomings? There is something to be said for parents who don’t compare their child to other children.
Is competition part of life? Of course. The key is to teach children that confidence doesn’t come by being better than others…. Someday when they don’t make that team, or don’t get that job, they will need that genuine self-confidence to bounce back and move forward.
3. You bail them out
Is there anything more difficult than watching your children suffer the consequences of their own choices? It is so hard not to throw on your Supermom (or dad) cape, sweep in and save the day. After all, you know better. You have the life experience and know the best way to remedy certain situations.
As tough as it may be, you may want to hang up your cape and take a step back. You can teach children at an early age that they will be held accountable for their choices by following through with what you say and letting those life lessons unfold and play out.
4. You never talk about your personal struggles
Have you told your 7-year-old how you scrubbed the toilets for six months straight so you could save for guitar lessons? Has your teenager heard you talk about the times in college you ate Top Ramen for every meal? What about the time you failed chemistry, or lost your job?
By talking about your struggles, you are showing your child that hard work and discipline is what gets you to where you want to be. The world they are growing up in will preach an opposing message: they don’t need to wait for the things they want.
These days, instant gratification is the name of the game, and the push for a strong work ethic has fallen by the wayside. Children need to understand you don’t receive a nice car at the snap of a finger; a nice house is not just handed to you; swiping your credit card every time you want something is not the responsible choice. Be realistic with them — and be honest.
5. You set unclear or no expectations
It might seem hard to believe but, generally, children want to make their parents proud. Within reason, it’s important that you set high expectations for your child, which will teach them to set high expectations for themselves.
Ask yourselves what expectations you have, and whether or not your child is aware of them. Do you expect your toddler to use his manners? Do you expect your elementary student to develop new skills and talents, even if it’s hard at first? Do you expect your teenager to have a summer job and save money?
Often we hear parents say, “Just do your best!” — and leave it at that. If your child comes home with an ‘F’ on her report card and tells you she tried her best, then what? Technically, she’s met your expectation. It is important to do your best, but if we don’t set a bar we may end up with entitled children who believe that success comes easy — that success doesn’t matter.
The fact is, entitled children turn into entitled adults (know any?). It absolutely starts with you.
This was taken from this site and amended in places on the advice of Umm Hammam as salafiyyah.